


Office Gossip

by MisMiz (Jaaaaack51)



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF, Minor Original Character(s), Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-23
Updated: 1999-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaaaaack51/pseuds/MisMiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck overhears too much about his coworkers and not enough about himself. That just ain't right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Office Gossip

Buck Wilmington glanced up guiltily at the sound of voices approaching his corner table in the ATF break room. He’d chosen this particular one because it was next to a large potted palm which effectively hid him from view. The Palm was the government’s cut rate attempt to bolster morale by conjuring thoughts of warm, sandy beaches and relaxing tropical hideaways. It did no such thing, of course. But it did provide good cover for an agent who wanted to conduct a little business in private, away from the prying eyes of his friends.

He relaxed when he realized the voices were feminine. He peered around one of the palm fronds, trying to match voices with faces. Buck recognized one of the two women as a fellow agent. Theresa Mason was her name. A tall, elegant brunette who specialized in arson cases, if he recalled correctly. She was rather cool and remote in her dealings with him and the other men, so Buck had never asked her out. Nor had any of the others as far as he knew. He’d never seen her companion before. On the short side, with mid-length light brown hair and eyes to match, she looked young and a little nervous. Buck guessed her to be a new recruit, being shown the ropes by an older, more experienced agent. 

The two women walked over to get a cup of coffee from the pot on the nearby counter. They were talking about qualifying scores on the shooting range, so Buck went back to his double bacon cheeseburger and extra-large fries. He knew the guys would figure out where he was eventually and then that would be the end of this meal. Ever since their annual physicals, when his cholesterol level had come back just a teensy bit on the high side, they were acting like a bunch of old ladies. Fussing about his diet and his fiber intake and in general just cutting up his peace and taking all the fun out of eating. JD had even begun buying fat free frozen yogurt instead of ice cream. Buck refused to even discuss, let alone eat, the kid’s attempt to make cheeseless pizza for dinner one night.  
  
The two women wandered over and sat at a table nearby, but still at an angle where they couldn’t see him. Although, if he leaned slightly to the left, he could see them, and he could hear them, plain as day, without any effort at all. They were talking about the ATF benefits package. Ha! The only benefit Buck and the others used regularly was the, admittedly generous, medical insurance. He would love to take advantage of the vacation policy but the last time he’d taken more than two days in a row off he had been in the hospital with broken ribs and a punctured lung.

He was munching the last of his fries and was about to get up when something they said caught his attention.  
  
"So do you have any more questions?" 

That was Theresa asking. But it was her companion’s response that had Buck riveted in place.  
  
"Well, you’ve been terrific about explaining everything. But I was wondering…It’s not exactly about work, but…" the young woman trailed off, embarrassment plain in her voice.  
  
"Oh. Yes. You were wondering about The Magnificent Seven, as they’re known around here." The older agent sounded amused.  
  
"How did you know?" Buck didn’t even have to look to see the blush that went along with her reply.  
  
"Honey, they **all** ask. Hell, I asked. Rumor has it AD Travis has even had to send out inter-agency memos telling the FBI that he was too damn busy to field questions about the personal lives of his ATF agents." 

Buck had never heard Theresa sound so relaxed. So human. She’d asked? About them? Wait until the rest of the boys heard that bit of news.  
  
"It’s just…they’re so…can you tell me? Please?" The eager note in the younger woman’s voice caused Buck to preen just a bit. Could he help it if the team had more than its share of animal magnetism? One member in particular. If he did say so himself.  
  
"I’ll tell you everything you need to know, Livvie. But I’m telling you right here and now, don’t get your hopes up. There are reasons why none of those men are available. You’ve got to learn to think of them like they were fish in an aquarium or something. Pretty to look at, but not much use otherwise."  
  
Buck’s mouth gaped open in indignation. Rather like a fish’s.  
  
"Of course, to be fair, these "fish" are rather handy to have in a crisis. I’m speaking strictly of interpersonal relationships you understand." 

Somehow Theresa’s added words failed to soften the blow to the eavesdropping Buck’s ego. Grimly, he settled down to hear what else the heretofore unsuspected enemy had to say.  
  
"Fish?" Livvie said skeptically.  
  
"Or whatever image works for you." Theresa the traitor shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"Are you just teasing me? I mean, because I’ve heard nothing but good things about them. And they all seem so nice." Buck nodded his head in satisfaction at Livvie’s defense of the team.  
  
"Oh, they are nice. And they’re the best ATF team in Colorado. Probably the best in the country. It’s just…well ask me about one of them and I’ll see if I can explain it to you."  
  
"I don’t want to offend you or anything. But you don’t really seem the type to listen to unsubstantiated gossip. Are you sure you’re not a little biased? Because maybe none of them were ah…?" Livvie trailed off.  
  
"Sour grapes because none of them were interested in me, you mean?" The older agent’s voice held no trace of anger.  
  
"Uh..yeah." The younger woman was clearly relieved by her companion’s lack of offense.  
  
"One of them did ask me out. My favorite one, as a matter of fact. But I turned him down. **Very** regretfully, I might add. An act of superhuman willpower that only happens once in a lifetime."  
  
"But why? Who?" Livvie was afire with curiosity by now.  
  
"Who would be telling." Theresa shook her head and smiled mischievously.  
  
"As for why, well the people in the building here have formed a sort of pool of knowledge, you might say. Sheer self-defense on our part. So if one of the guys approaches you or you decide that maybe you want to approach him, then you can have all the necessary facts at your fingertips and you can make an informed decision. This has cut down drastically on the number of broken hearts and coma inducing chocolate binges around here."  
  
Livvie stared at her companion in absolute fascination mixed with a healthy dose of astonishment. Buck did likewise.  
  
"That’s…that’s incredible." She finally gasped. "Is it actually written down somewhere? How do you access it? If you were thinking about…if you wanted to know…" Livvie stammered a bit and began blushing again under the other woman’s knowing gaze.  
  
"I’ll show you how to find it later." Theresa promised. "Right now I can give you a quick rundown on them, if you’d like." she offered, to her companion’s obvious delight.  
  
"Who did you want to hear about first?" The older woman leaned back in her chair with a grin.  
  
"Well…" Buck was unconsciously leaning forward in his chair, awaiting her answer.  
  
"I was kind of wondering about…well, about Chris Larabee." Buck sat back in his chair with an inaudible snort. The girl liked Mr. Ice Man himself. He was sadly disappointed in her. Ok. Chris was nice enough looking. But the man had absolutely no charm whatsoever. God knows he wouldn’t want to have to wake up and look at that sour mug of Chris’s every morning. Well, ok. He did do that. But he got paid for it!  
  
"Going for the Alpha Male of the pack. I admire that. But that particular wolf has got more baggage than Imelda Marcos. His wife and child were killed in a car bomb meant for him several years ago. Since then, there has been no record of him actually smiling at anyone except the members of his team. And even that’s just hearsay. Who can blame the man though? Just in case you had any ideas about soothing his tortured soul or whatever though, let me just tell you that Mary Travis has been trying to get in his pants for going on three years now and has yet to succeed. Doesn’t offer much hope, does it?"  
  
Well, Buck had to admit, she had Chris pegged. But that was easy enough to do after one look into those cool, unfriendly, green eyes.  
  
"No. I guess not. But still it might be worth it. I mean, that body. Those cheekbones." Livvie sighed, then frowned. "Three years you said?"

At her companion’s affirmative nod, Livvie sighed again. "She’s the one with all that blonde hair who’s always dressed to the nines?"  
  
Again her companion nodded. This time Livvie’s sigh held a note of resignation.  
  
"What can you tell me about the long-haired one then?"  
  
Vin? She wanted to know about Vin? Buck was going to have to have a serious talk with this young lady. She obviously had her priorities all wrong. Didn’t know a good thing when she saw it.  
  
Theresa laughed and laughed and laughed. "Don’t go there even in your dreams. It would be a perfectly good waste of fantasy time. Have you seen the way he looks at Chris Larabee? It would take an army to come between those two. And I have my doubts even that would work."  
  
"You mean they’re…? Livvie was obviously enthralled with the notion. Buck considered it, frowning. Then he filed it away for future consideration as the two women continued talking.  
  
Theresa shrugged. "No one knows. But that’s not really the point, anyway. It wouldn’t matter if they were or weren’t. There still isn’t anyone that’s going to come between them. Most people don’t want to spend their lives being second best. Even for someone like that."  
  
"Besides, it’s those quiet ones that you have to watch out for. Rumor has it that he used to be a hitman. And that he was wanted for murder once upon a time. Of course, all the charges were declared false. But still, it does make you wonder."  
  
Livvie nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. I suppose it would." she agreed. "Too bad. I would have loved to gaze into those blue eyes over a romantic candlelight dinner." Her voice sounded a tad wistful.  
  
"What about Ezra Standish? I bet there are some interesting facts on file about him?" Livvie sounded eager. Buck was starting to feel downright offended. He was already down to fourth choice here. Not a position he cared for. He was an interesting guy and he might not drive a Jag, but he didn’t come complete with a mother like Maude, either.  
  
"Ezra? Yes, indeed. You noticed the car, didn’t you? That and the designer wardrobe?"  
  
"Well…he does have really pretty green eyes, too." Livvie defended herself.  
  
"Yes. And all three are courtesy of his Mother. Mrs. Maude, “I’m working on husband number six”, Standish. That alone would be reason enough to stay away from him. But the man also suffers from a severe case of commitment phobia and you need a dictionary in order to understand more than one word out of ten that he says. Add it all up and it spells ‘Trouble’. By the time your relationship ended, you would probably need more therapy than he does.”  
  
Buck rubbed his hands together in glee. So Maude had given him the Jag, huh? After Ezra swore up and down she couldn’t buy his affections. Just wait until the boys heard this one. Or maybe he would keep it to himself until he needed a favor from Mr. Standish. Like maybe borrowing that pretty car of his once in a while.  
  
"What about Nathan Jackson, then? He’s always smiling. And he’s got such wonderful hands." Livvie smiled, rather wickedly, in Buck’s opinion. And his hands were just as nice as Nathan’s. Weren’t they?  
  
"Yes. He does have great err…hands." Theresa’s smile said that she knew exactly what the other woman had meant.  
  
"Unfortunately, he also has a girlfriend. And being the disgustingly loyal, faithful, wonderful, all around nice guy that he is, no one else stands a chance while she’s in the picture. And who would ever get rid of a guy with those healing hands, if you know what I mean?”  
  
Livvie snorted in agreement. Buck began to feel just the slightest bit uncomfortable at how well these people seemed to know them.  
  
"Ok. Ummm…what about JD? He seems far too young and innocent to have accumulated much in the way of baggage."  
  
She was interested in JD before him? The kid? He was definitely entering the Twilight Zone now. He hoped so, anyway. Because there was no way he was admitting to the rest of the team that his vaunted animal magnetism had tied him for last place in this girl’s affections.  
  
"No baggage. Unless you count Buck Wilmington. JD is lucky that man lets him go to the bathroom by himself."  
  
Hey! He let JD do plenty! Was it his fault the kid couldn’t seem to stay out of trouble and needed Buck around to…well, just needed Buck around was all.  
  
"And of course, there’s that sweet little girlfriend of his with the very scary grandma. You really don’t want to upset grandma.”

"So that leaves, who, Josiah Sanchez? A bit older than I usually date, but very interesting."  
  
"He took his last date to a soup kitchen. In the worst part of town. They served soup for six hours. Her car was stolen. She wound up donating her entire paycheck to the mission out of some sort of middle class guilt thing. And after all that, he was so respectful of her sweet personage, his words, not mine, that she didn’t even get a kiss goodnight."  
  
"Not even one lousy kiss on the cheek?" Livvie sounded appalled.  
  
See? Buck felt like shouting. I would never do that to such a sweet young thing. For a moment he forgot that this "sweet young thing" had left him for last.  
  
"Oh well. I guess that’s it then." Livvie said rather sadly. Then she brightened a bit. "Still, I noticed a really cute guy down in the lab this morning. What can you tell me about him?"  
  
Theresa glanced at her watch. "We need to get down to the shooting range. I’ll tell you on the way."  
  
The two women got up and started making their way towards the door. Buck opened and closed his mouth several times in an effort to speak. But his voice refused to obey him. They weren’t even going to mention him as anything other than JD’s nursemaid? Him? Buck Wilmington, ladies’ man extraordinaire? They couldn’t do that! It was against the rules. He was sure of it. He jumped to his feet as they pushed open the door and began walking out.  
  
"Now wait just a cotton picking minute here! I want a word with you two ladies. There’s a few things that aint in that so called pool of knowledge!” Buck’s shouts echoed through the building as he chased the two women down the hall.  
  
Office gossip. He’d teach them a thing or two about that.  
  
The End  
  



End file.
